Respectful Leadership (RLA)
- pancakemarathon
- Jul 3
- 3 min read
Build me a 12-step program for bosses
that disrespect their employees and think that they don't have to respect what they are asking or what they bring to the table, period.
Why build this?
Because employees deserve respect, comma, they are not my slaves, comma, they have something to offer. But if I don't value that, then I am creating a toxic work environment, and...
🪞 Step 0 – The Mirror Moment
Before any change can begin, we face the mirror and ask:
“Would I want to be led by me?”
This is where denial cracks and a seed of awareness is planted. Step 0 is the wake-up call—the moment we stop blaming “lazy employees” and realize the reflection we see is the tone we set.
12 steps
We admitted we were contributing to a toxic environment by devaluing or dismissing the voices, needs, and contributions of those we led.
Came to believe that true leadership requires humility, mutual respect, and the willingness to change.
Made a decision to turn our role as a boss over to a Higher Principle of service, not power.
Made a searching and fearless inventory of how our actions and attitudes harmed employees and distorted the workplace.
Admitted to ourselves, to another human being, and to the collective workplace culture the exact nature of our wrongs.
Became entirely ready to shift from dominance to shared growth.
Humbly asked to remove our arrogance, superiority, and fear of being vulnerable.
Made a list of all employees we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would further harm them or others.
Continued to take inventory of our leadership behavior, and when we fell back into old habits, promptly admitted it.
Sought through reflection and listening to improve conscious contact with our team and values of servant leadership.
Having had a transformation as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other leaders and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
13th Step Safeguard
Warning: Leadership is not a license to manipulate, abuse, or spiritually bypass your team’s experiences.
In RLA, we commit to:
Never using these principles to gaslight or silence feedback.
Holding ourselves accountable when someone calls out harm.
Respecting boundaries, confidentiality, and personal growth of all team members.
Ensuring our recovery from toxic leadership doesn't become a mask for unchecked behavior.
🛡️ Power is not a right—it’s a responsibility.
12 Traditions
Our common welfare comes first; respectful workplaces depend on mutual respect between leadership and employees.
For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority—a principle of service, not control.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to lead with integrity, not ego.
Each leader group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other teams or the organization as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry the message of respectful leadership by example.
RLA should never endorse, finance, or lend the name to management practices that exploit or dehumanize.
Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining to manipulate employees for self-interest.
RLA should remain forever non-professional, but our service may employ principles of effective mentorship and feedback.
RLA ought never be organized, but we may create committees to serve, not rule.
RLA has no opinion on outside HR controversies; our focus is on transforming ourselves as leaders.
Our public relations policy is attraction, not promotion; we demonstrate respectful leadership through behavior, not branding.
Anonymity is the foundation of humility; we place principles before personalities.
12 Promises
We will begin to see our team not as tools but as people.
We will stop fearing employee empowerment.
We will find new joy in collaboration instead of control.
Our teams will start to feel safe and seen.
We will know how to listen—really listen.
Our presence will start to inspire, not intimidate.
We will lose the need to micromanage.
We will recognize the power of shared vision over personal agenda.
Our relationships will deepen across the company.
Burnout will lessen—for ourselves and those around us.
We will experience the true satisfaction of leading with respect.
We will become the kind of boss we once wished we had.
Slogans
“Respect is not optional.”
“Lead by lifting, not crushing.”
“Power is borrowed—use it wisely.”
“People over pride.”
“Servant leadership isn't weakness—it's wisdom.”
“Culture starts at the top.”
“If you're not listening, you're not leading.”
“Ego leads to turnover. Respect leads to legacy.”
Acronyms
B.O.S.S. – Building Others with Steady Support
L.E.A.D. – Listen, Empathize, Acknowledge, Develop
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – Recognize Every Single Person's Effort, Contribution, and Truth
P.O.W.E.R. – Position Offered With Empathy and Responsibility
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