Let Them Grow (LTGA)

Let Them Grow (LTGA)

12 steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over our need to over-nurture — that our children's growth had become unmanageable. (We saw them as fragile for too long, and it stunted both their independence and our peace.)

2. Came to believe that a Loving Source greater than ourselves could restore our children — and us — to balanced development.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and parenting over to the care of that Source, as we understood it. (And to trust that letting go doesn’t mean letting down.)

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our parenting behaviors, especially those rooted in fear, guilt, or control.

5. Admitted to our Source, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our overparenting.

6. Became entirely ready to let go of the need to baby our children in order to feel secure ourselves.

7. Humbly asked our Source to remove our fears of letting our children face life on their own terms.

8. Made a list of times we stifled our children’s growth, and became willing to make amends by allowing them age-appropriate freedom.

9. Made direct amends to our children and ourselves wherever possible — not by words alone, but by stepping back and supporting from behind, not in front.

10. Continued to take inventory of our parenting patterns, and when we regressed into babying, promptly admitted it and reoriented.

11. Sought through prayer, meditation, and listening to increase conscious contact with our children’s evolving needs, praying only for guidance to love them into maturity, not dependence.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other recovering over-nurturers, and to practice healthy parenting in all our affairs.

13th Step Safeguard

Here is the 🛡️ 13th Step Safeguard for Let Them Grow Anonymous (LTGA) — this is the spiritual guardrail to help protect both the parent and the child during the healing journey:

🛡️ 13th Step Safeguard — “The Guardrails of Growing”

We acknowledge that as we heal from over-nurturing, there can be a temptation to swing the pendulum too far — from over-parenting to under-parenting, from babying to neglect, from control to indifference.

Therefore:

• We do not weaponize “independence” to avoid being present.

• We do not detach from our children to escape our own discomfort.

• We recognize that growth requires both freedom and appropriate support.

• We remain accountable to trusted peers, sponsors, or spiritual guides who help us recognize when we are using “letting go” as a way to avoid our responsibilities.

• We stay aware that healthy parenting is not about control or abandonment, but partnership with the child’s own becoming.

• We avoid seeking validation or emotional comfort from our children for our own insecurities.

• We hold ourselves to continued inventory, checking when our new behaviors are truly love-led, not fear-led in disguise.

💡 The safeguard reminds us: “We do not raise children for our comfort. We raise them for life.”

12 Traditions

Here are the 12 Traditions of "Let Them Grow Anonymous" (LTGA) — written in the spirit of the AA Traditions, but adapted for those recovering from over-nurturing and raising children like babies instead of letting them grow into young adults:

👣 12 Traditions of LTGA (Let Them Grow Anonymous)

1. Our common welfare comes first; healthy children and recovering parents depend on mutual growth and mutual respect.

2. For our group's purpose, there is but one ultimate authority—a Loving Source as each of us understands it. Our collective conscience guides us, not one parent’s control.

3. The only requirement for LTGA membership is a desire to stop babying children who are ready to grow.

4. Each LTGA group or family should be autonomous except in matters affecting others’ growth or dignity.

5. Each LTGA family has but one primary purpose—to support and guide each member in raising children with love, not control.

6. An LTGA group or family ought never endorse, finance, or lend the LTGA name to any parenting trend or product, lest the message become diluted.

7. Every LTGA family ought to be fully self-supporting in their own emotional and spiritual development, declining to rely on their children for identity or self-worth.

8. Let LTGA remain forever non-professional, but our message can be carried by those who practice what they’ve healed.

9. LTGA, as such, ought never be organized in a rigid structure; we may create tools and routines that serve, not control.

10. Let us avoid controversy over parenting fads or debates; our focus is on healing, not superiority.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We share our progress, not our perfection.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, reminding us to place principles before personalities and love before ego.

12 Promises

Here are the 12 Promises of Let Them Grow Anonymous (LTGA) — written in the recovery spirit of AA but centered on the transformation that occurs when we stop treating children like babies and begin letting them grow with love, freedom, and respect.

🌱 12 Promises of LTGA

1. We will begin to trust that our children are stronger than we feared — and so are we.

2. We will feel the freedom that comes from releasing control and watching growth unfold naturally.

3. We will stop confusing love with protection, and start practicing love as empowerment.

4. We will find peace in seeing our children make mistakes — and grow from them.

5. We will lose the need to be needed, and gain the joy of being wanted.

6. We will no longer parent from fear, guilt, or anxiety, but from faith, presence, and grace.

7. Our homes will become places of strength, not shelters from reality.

8. We will hear our children’s voices rise — not in rebellion, but in confidence.

9. We will learn to sit still and witness growth without rushing in to fix or rescue.

10. We will stop narrating our children’s stories, and begin listening to the ones they are writing themselves.

11. Our sense of identity will return — no longer tied only to being a parent, but as a whole, growing being.

12. We will intuitively know when to guide and when to step aside — and we will do so with love, not loss.

Slogans

Here are the Slogans for Let Them Grow Anonymous (LTGA) — simple, repeatable truths that can help parents re-center themselves during moments of fear, control, or anxiety:

🪴 LTGA Slogans

1. "Prepare them for life, not for you."

2. "Let them fall so they can rise."

3. "Love is not control."

4. "Growth happens where fear steps aside."

5. "Freedom with guidance, not with abandonment."

6. "Support from behind, not from above."

7. "Raise adults, not permanent children."

8. "Empower, don't enable."

9. "Let go — but stay close."

10. "Strength comes from struggle."

11. "Parent their growth, not your fear."

12. "Less rescue, more readiness."

13. "Parent the child you have, not the baby you miss."

14. "Present, not possessive."

15. "Letting go is still loving."

Acronyms

Here are the Acronyms for Let Them Grow Anonymous (LTGA) — simple mental tools to help members quickly remember key principles when old habits start creeping back in:

🔠 LTGA Acronyms

L.E.T. G.O. Letting Empowerment Teach — Growth Opens. (Every time I let go, I create space for them to grow.)

G.R.O.W. Guide Respectfully — Offer Wisdom. (Parent from guidance, not from control.)

P.A.R.E.N.T. Protect Appropriately, Release Excessive Nurturing Tendencies. (Protect when needed, not as a default.)

S.T.E.P. U.P. Start Trusting Emerging Potential — Understand Process. (Remember: the process unfolds naturally, not by force.)

B.A.B.Y. Be Aware Before Yielding. (Stop and ask: am I stepping in too early out of fear?)

F.E.A.R. (reframed) False Expectations About Readiness. (When I assume they’re not ready, I may be projecting my own fear.)

H.E.L.P. Hold Empowering, Loving Patience. (Help is not always doing for them—it’s being patient with their becoming.)

W.A.T.C.H. Witness And Trust Children’s Healing. (I don't always need to act — sometimes I need to watch and trust.)

S.A.F.E. Support Autonomy, Foster Empowerment. (Safety comes from teaching skills, not from limiting life.)

C.A.L.M. Choose Awareness, Let Maturity emerge. (When I stay calm, I allow both of us to grow.)

These acronyms can be used in literature, meetings, or simply as daily check-ins for parents on the path.

creation of

Here’s a 12-Step Program for Raising Children Like Babies Instead of Young Adults, written in the spirit and structure of AA recovery programs. This is for those who may have treated growing children as helpless or dependent long after infancy — possibly out of fear, trauma, or misplaced love — and are now ready to heal, let go, and empower their children to grow up.