Follow-Through Fellowship (FTF)

pancakemarathon
Jul 5
14 min read

"If you don't set the time, don't blame the clock."

Step Zero Research

Understanding What Brought Us Here

1. The Emotional Cycle of False Promises

When someone invites us to something — but never sets the time…When they say, “Let’s hang out,” — but never follow through…We get pulled into a cycle of:➡️ Hope➡️ Waiting➡️ Doubt➡️ Self-blame

This cycle feeds on silence and uncertainty. Without clear action, our minds fill in the blanks with fear, assumptions, or false hope. Over time, this erodes self-esteem.

2. Why We Stay Stuck in “Maybe”

Psychologists call this “intermittent reinforcement.”When someone sometimes shows interest or follows through, but not consistently, it trains our brains to stay hooked — chasing the next hit of attention or confirmation.It’s the same pattern behind gambling addiction and toxic relationships.

FTF helps break this cycle by replacing hopeful waiting with honest boundaries.

3. The Role of Self-Worth in Being Let Down

Often, being let down by others exposes hidden wounds:

Believing we don’t deserve consistency
Thinking we have to prove our worth to get respect
Confusing being patient with being passive

FTF helps us untangle these beliefs so we stop settling for uncertainty.

4. Social Conditioning: Why We Blame Ourselves

Many of us were taught:

“Be patient.”
“Don’t be too demanding.”
“If they care, they’ll show it.”

But when people don't follow through, we're rarely taught how to protect our peace. Instead, we internalize the problem — assuming we weren’t good enough, clear enough, or worthy enough.

FTF reminds us: Their inconsistency is their responsibility — not proof of our inadequacy.

5. Rebuilding Our Foundation

Step Zero isn’t about blaming others — it’s about seeing clearly:✔️ Recognizing unreliable patterns✔️ Releasing the need for closure from inconsistent people✔️ Reclaiming our time, energy, and worth✔️ Learning to communicate clearly, without fear✔️ Building relationships based on action — not empty words

Summary of Step Zero Research

We didn’t end up here by accident — we ended up here through cycles of:

False invitations
Hopeful waiting
Self-doubt
Emotional depletion

FTF Step Zero helps us see the pattern — and step out of it.

12 steps

0. Step Zero — The Foundation

We admitted that false promises, ghosting, and flaky plans chipped away at our self-worth. We’re here to break that cycle.

1. We admitted we kept expecting follow-through from people who never intended to deliver.

Step 0 for Step 1: Where have I blamed myself for someone else's lack of follow-through?

2. Came to believe our peace depends on letting go of flaky energy.

Step 0 for Step 2: How has clinging to unreliable people disturbed my peace?

3. Made a decision to invest our time and energy where actions match words.

Step 0 for Step 3: What situations or people have shown me that words without action waste my time?

4. Made a fearless inventory of our patterns — how often we wait, hope, and get let down.

Step 0 for Step 4: Where do I repeatedly ignore red flags that someone won’t follow through?

5. Admitted to ourselves and another how our worth got tied to unreliable people.

Step 0 for Step 5: When have I let someone’s flaky behavior make me question my own value?

6. Became entirely ready to stop over-explaining our worth to people who can’t follow through.

Step 0 for Step 6: How often do I justify or excuse flaky behavior instead of recognizing it for what it is?

7. Humbly asked to release the need for closure from those who won’t give it.

Step 0 for Step 7: Where am I still waiting for closure that likely isn’t coming?

8. Made a list of situations where we held on, waiting for follow-through that never came.

Step 0 for Step 8: How has waiting on others robbed me of opportunities or peace?

9. Chose to let those go, reclaiming our time and peace, without bitterness.

Step 0 for Step 9: How do I hold on to resentment toward those who never showed up?

10. Continued to spot flaky patterns — in them and in ourselves.

Step 0 for Step 10: What are my warning signs that I’m falling into old patterns of waiting and hoping?

11. Sought clarity through boundaries, not assumptions.

Step 0 for Step 11: Where do I assume people will come through instead of setting clear boundaries?

12. Having found peace with imperfect people, we help others set healthy expectations.

13th Step Safeguard

12 Traditions

0. Our common welfare depends on learning to value our own time and peace.

1. Our personal recovery depends on recognizing unreliable behavior — in ourselves and others.

2. For our group purpose, we strive for honesty and clear communication.

3. The only requirement for FTF membership is experiencing the frustration of being let down.

4. Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or FTF as a whole.

5. Each group’s primary purpose is to help others find peace beyond flaky people and false promises.

6. FTF ought never endorse or lend the FTF name to outside issues — our message is enough.

7. Every FTF group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions — including emotional investments we can’t sustain.

8. FTF remains non-professional — but we may share our experience freely.

9. FTF may create service structures to support the group — but never at the cost of clarity or peace.

10. FTF has no opinion on outside relationships or personal situations — our focus is recovery from broken expectations.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction, not promotion — reliable living speaks for itself.

12. Anonymity and humility are the foundation of our principles — we are all recovering from the same disappointments.

12 Promises

0. We will stop waiting for others to define our worth.

1. We will recognize that unreliable people are not a reflection of our value.

2. We will trust our gut when something feels incomplete.

3. We will invest our energy in people who show up consistently.

4. We will see our patterns of holding on and gently let them go.

5. We will speak our needs clearly, without fear of being ignored.

6. We will stop making excuses for those who never follow through.

7. We will release the need for closure that others refuse to give.

8. We will reclaim our time and peace from unfinished situations.

9. We will walk away from dead-end invitations with confidence.

10. We will notice flaky patterns before they steal our peace.

11. We will set boundaries that honor our time and energy.

12. We will become examples of reliability — in our own lives and for others.

Slogans

Quick Reminders for Peace & Boundaries

"If they don’t set the time, don’t blame the clock."
"No follow-through? No room in my schedule."
"Words mean nothing without the walk."
"Actions are the real RSVP."
"You’re not waiting — you’re learning."
"No plan? No problem. Move on."
"Flaky energy doesn’t belong on my calendar."
"Stop holding space for people who won’t show up."
"Hope is healthy — false hope isn’t."
"Mixed signals? Clear boundaries."
"Protect your peace — don’t wait on maybe."
"Their silence isn’t your problem."
"Reliability is attractive. Flakiness isn’t."
"Your worth isn’t on hold — it’s right here."
"When they follow through, you’ll know. Until then, let go."
"Half-invites lead to whole frustration."
"Waiting for crumbs? You deserve the meal."
"A maybe isn’t a plan — protect your time."
"Peace comes when you stop waiting for the unreliable."
"If they wanted to, they would — if they didn’t, they won’t."

Acronyms

To Keep It Simple and Memorable

FTF

Follow The Facts — Stop filling in the blanks with hope. Look at the actions.
Forgive The Flakes — Not for them, for your peace.
Find True Friends — Let go of the ones who can't show up.
Free The Future — Stop waiting on maybe. Move forward.

PLAN

Pause. Listen. Ask. Notice.Before you expect follow-through, slow down and check reality.

TIME

Trust. Intention. Mutual. Effort.If it’s missing these, it’s not real time — it’s wasted time.

WAIT

Why Am I Tolerating?A quick gut check when you’re stuck waiting on someone unreliable.

GONE

Ghosted? Own No Explanations.You don’t owe closure when they vanished without it.

REAL

Respect. Effort. Actions. Loyalty.The traits of people worth your energy.

MOVE

Make Our Value Evident.Walk away when they can’t follow through — that shows your worth.

ASK

Always Seek Knowledge.Instead of assuming, communicate. If they can’t answer clearly, that’s your answer.

STOP

Set The Other Person free.If they won’t follow through, you let go — kindly, firmly, fully.

Serenity Prayer

Grant me the peace to accept unanswered invitations,

The courage to walk away from false promises,

And the wisdom to invest my time where actions speak.

Additional Prayers

0. Step Zero Prayer Grant me the strength to stop tying my peace to people who don’t follow through. Help me see my worth isn’t on hold, waiting for someone else to show up.

1. Step One Prayer Help me admit that I’ve been waiting on others to deliver peace they can’t provide. Let me accept what is, not what I hoped for.

2. Step Two Prayer Show me that true peace comes from letting go of unreliable people, not trying to fix them.

3. Step Three Prayer Guide me to invest my time, energy, and heart where words and actions align. Help me walk away from false invitations without guilt.

4. Step Four Prayer Give me the courage to see my own patterns of holding on and waiting too long. Help me face the truth without shame.

5. Step Five Prayer Help me admit how often I’ve confused my worth with someone else’s inconsistency. Let me speak my truth and reclaim my confidence.

6. Step Six Prayer Make me ready to stop making excuses for those who never follow through. Give me permission to expect better.

7. Step Seven Prayer Humbly remove my need for closure from people who’ve shown they won’t give it. Let me find peace within, not from them.

8. Step Eight Prayer Help me list the situations I’ve been stuck in, waiting for something that never came. Give me the strength to release them.

9. Step Nine Prayer Guide me in making peace with unfinished situations — without bitterness, without chasing, only with clarity.

10. Step Ten Prayer Let me stay aware of patterns — in them and in me — that lead to false hope and wasted energy. Help me course-correct gently.

11. Step Eleven Prayer Grant me clarity through boundaries, not assumptions. Show me how to listen, ask, and protect my time.

12. Step Twelve Prayer

Having found peace beyond flakiness, help me share this with others, leading by example — with consistency, patience, and respect.

What Needs to Be Talked About:

Core Topics

✔️ The sting of being let down — How repeated false promises chip away at confidence and peace.

✔️ False invitations and mixed signals — Recognizing when people keep things vague to avoid accountability.

✔️ Waiting as a trap — How we mentally pause our lives, waiting for someone else's follow-through.

✔️ The myth of closure — Accepting that not everyone gives closure — and learning we don’t need their permission to move on.

✔️ Self-blame when others flake — How we convince ourselves we did something wrong when the truth is, they just didn’t follow through.

✔️ Chasing potential over reality — How we build up an idea of who someone could be, instead of seeing their consistent actions.

✔️ Healthy boundaries vs. walls — How to protect your time and energy without becoming bitter or closed off.

✔️ Learning to ask, not assume — Replacing assumptions with honest questions to avoid confusion.

✔️ Flaky patterns in ourselves — Being real about where we also fail to follow through — and how to grow from it.

✔️ The value of consistent people — How to recognize, appreciate, and model reliable behavior in relationships.

✔️ Moving forward without bitterness — Letting go of flaky people without resentment, just with clarity.

✔️ Redefining your worth — Understanding that your value is not determined by who shows up — it already exists.

How This Program Can Help:

The Follow-Through Fellowship (FTF) gives us a space to heal from the frustration, confusion, and self-doubt that comes from being let down. We spent too long waiting on people who never set the time, never showed up, or never followed through — and we blamed ourselves for it.

This program helps by:

✔️ Rebuilding our self-worth — reminding us that someone else’s inconsistency isn’t a reflection of our value.

✔️ Breaking the waiting cycle — teaching us to recognize when we’re stuck in false hope and giving us the tools to walk away with peace.

✔️ Replacing assumptions with clarity — helping us ask direct questions, set clear expectations, and stop filling in the blanks with our own fears.

✔️ Creating healthy boundaries — showing us how to protect our time and energy without shutting down or becoming bitter.

✔️ Recognizing reliable people — helping us notice who follows through, who respects our time, and who deserves our energy.

✔️ Owning our patterns — gently confronting where we also fall short in consistency, and learning to grow from it.

✔️ Finding peace without closure — reminding us that closure isn’t always given — but it can always be created within ourselves.

FTF doesn’t teach us to control others — it teaches us to control our responses, protect our peace, and walk through life with confidence, no longer held hostage by empty promises or unanswered plans.

step work

Reflection Questions for Growth

Step 0 — What Brought Us Here

1. How has waiting on unreliable people affected my peace?

2. When have I blamed myself for someone else’s lack of follow-through?

3. What patterns do I notice in how I respond when plans fall through?

4. How has this led me to seek support and change?

Step 1 — Admitting the Problem

1. When was the last time I expected follow-through that never came?

2. How did that make me feel?

3. What fears or insecurities does being let down trigger in me?

4. How have I tried to control or fix unreliable situations?

Step 2 — Finding Hope Beyond Flakiness

1. Where have I seen peace come from letting go of unreliable people?

2. How does clinging to false hope disrupt my peace?3. What small ways have I already started releasing that need?4. How can I remind myself peace is possible — even when others let me down?

Step 3 — Choosing Where to Invest Energy

1. Who consistently shows up for me — and how does that feel?2. Where have I wasted energy waiting for words to match actions?3. What does it mean to me to "invest wisely" in relationships?4. How can I shift my energy away from false promises toward self-respect?

Step 4 — Looking at My Patterns

1. How do I tend to react when someone leaves plans unfinished?2. Where do I ignore red flags, hoping things will change?3. How often do I hold on to the potential of someone instead of seeing reality?4. How does this cycle of waiting affect my mental and emotional health?

Step 5 — Owning My Truth

1. How have I tied my worth to whether people follow through?2. What stories do I tell myself when someone ghosts me or flakes?3. Who can I share these struggles with for support and accountability?4. How might speaking this truth lighten the emotional weight I carry?

Step 6 — Becoming Ready to Expect Better

1. What excuses do I make for people who consistently disappoint me?2. Why do I struggle to expect better from others?3. How would it feel to stop explaining away unreliable behavior?4. Am I ready to raise my standards — and why?

Step 7 — Letting Go of the Need for Closure

1. Where am I still stuck, waiting for closure that likely isn’t coming?2. How has this kept me from fully moving on?3. What would it look like to create closure for myself?4. How can I practice letting go with grace, not resentment?

Step 8 — Listing the Loose Ends

1. Who or what have I held on to, waiting for follow-through?2. How has that impacted my peace and confidence?3. What situations do I need to release, even without closure?4. How can I gently begin that process?

Step 9 — Reclaiming My Time and Peace

1. How do I feel when I stop waiting on someone unreliable?2. How can I let go without bitterness?3. Where have I made peace with unfinished situations in the past?4. How can I apply that same peace to my current struggles?

Step 10 — Staying Aware of Patterns

1. What warning signs help me spot flaky behavior early?2. How do I check myself when I fall into old patterns of waiting?3. How can I gently correct course without judging myself?4. How will staying aware protect my peace?

Step 11 — Replacing Assumptions with Clarity

1. Where do I tend to assume instead of asking?2. How does clear communication prevent disappointment?3. What boundaries help me avoid misunderstandings?4. How can I model direct, honest conversations?

Step 12 — Sharing the Freedom of Follow-Through

1. How can I support others going through this same struggle?2. What has changed in me since starting this journey?3. How can I lead by example with consistency and clear expectations?4. How can I continue growing without becoming closed off or bitter?

Categorized

Primary Categories

✅ Emotional RecoveryWhy: The program addresses the emotional toll of being let down, ghosted, or left waiting on unreliable people. It focuses on healing from disappointment, rebuilding confidence, and restoring peace.

✅ Self-Worth RestorationWhy: At its core, FTF is about untangling our self-worth from other people’s inconsistency. It helps members stop tying their value to who shows up and teaches them to reclaim their worth independently.

✅ Relationship ToolsWhy: FTF equips members with healthy tools for navigating relationships — recognizing red flags, asking clear questions, setting boundaries, and letting go of unhealthy connections.

Secondary Categories (Also Fits)

✅ Boundaries & AssertivenessWhy: FTF promotes setting boundaries with flaky or unreliable people, protecting time, energy, and peace through clarity and action.

✅ Confidence BuildingWhy: By stepping away from situations where follow-through is lacking, members build inner confidence, learn to trust themselves, and stop seeking external validation.

✅ Ghosting RecoveryWhy: FTF directly addresses the frustration, confusion, and hurt caused by ghosting or unspoken rejection, providing tools to move forward without closure.

✅ People-Pleasing RecoveryWhy: The program helps people recognize when they over-invest in unreliable situations, breaking patterns of chasing approval or validation from inconsistent sources.

✅ Communication Skills DevelopmentWhy: Replacing assumptions with questions, setting clear expectations, and recognizing unreliable behavior all support healthy communication growth.

✅ Detachment & Letting GoWhy: FTF emphasizes releasing the need for closure from others, stepping away from unfinished situations, and detaching from false hope.

Less Common But Relevant Categories

✅ Dating & Relationship HealthWhy: Many FTF principles apply directly to dating, situationships, or friendships with unreliable or inconsistent people.

✅ Cognitive Reframing ProgramsWhy: FTF teaches members to reframe situations — from "I’m not good enough" to "They couldn’t follow through — that’s on them."

Alternative Program Name Ideas

✔️ Names Focused on Letdowns & False Promises

Maybe Recovery Anonymous (MRA) — Because "maybe" isn't a plan.
Ghosted But Growing (GBG) — Turning being ghosted into personal growth.
Loose Ends Anonymous (LEA) — For all the unfinished conversations, plans, and false starts.
Mixed Signals Recovery (MSR) — Untangling confusion one clear boundary at a time.
Unfinished Business Fellowship (UBF) — Releasing ourselves from waiting on others.

✔️ Names Focused on Time & Boundaries

Time Wasters Anonymous (TWA) — Reclaim your time, stop waiting on flaky people.
Calendar Clarity Fellowship (CCF) — Where plans meet action, or they don't belong.
Respect My Time Anonymous (RMTA) — Because your time is valuable.
Boundary Builders Fellowship (BBF) — Learning to say no to vague invitations and empty promises.

✔️ Names with a Bit of Humor or Edge

Flake-Free Fellowship (FFF) — No flakes, no fake plans, just peace.
Clock’s Ticking Recovery (CTR) — Life’s too short to wait on unreliable people.
The RSVP Recovery (RSVPR) — Where people actually show up — or we let it go.
Plan or Pass Anonymous (PPA) — If they can’t plan, we pass.

✔️ Names Focused on Self-Worth & Letting Go

Waiting No More Fellowship (WNM) — Done waiting, done wondering.
Closure Within Anonymous (CWA) — Finding peace without their permission.
Walk Away With Peace (WAWP) — Leaving unreliable situations without bitterness.

Related Fellowships

✔️ Assuming Anonymous (AAssuming)

Why: Making assumptions often fills the silence when others don’t follow through. FTF members frequently face situations where they have to resist assuming the worst when plans fall apart.

✔️ Ghosted But Not Gone (GNG) (Alternative program idea from before)

Why: Focuses specifically on the emotional impact of ghosting, which overlaps with FTF’s focus on being left hanging or having loose ends.

✔️ Boundary Builders Fellowship (BBF)

Why: FTF emphasizes boundaries with unreliable people. BBF would support learning, practicing, and reinforcing those boundaries in all areas of life.

✔️ People-Pleasing Recovery (PPR)

Why: When we tie our self-worth to being liked or accepted, we tolerate inconsistent people. FTF and PPR both help untangle self-worth from others' behavior.

✔️ Mixed Signals Anonymous (MSA)

Why: Many FTF members deal with people who send unclear or conflicting signals, leaving them in limbo. MSA focuses directly on recognizing and detaching from that dynamic.

✔️ Waiting No More Fellowship (WNM)

Why: The emotional toll of "waiting" — for closure, for invitations, for respect — is central to FTF. WNM emphasizes reclaiming time and power.

✔️ Time Travelers Anonymous (TTA)

Why: In TTA, people tend to mentally live in the "what if" or "someday," similar to how FTF members get stuck waiting on unreliable people. Both focus on grounding in reality.

✔️ Self-Worth Restoration Anonymous (SWRA)

Why: FTF is deeply about rebuilding self-worth after being let down repeatedly, making SWRA a natural complement.